Did you know that guilt and shame can both be major saboteurs of self-love?


The reason why I wanted to cover guilt and shame today is that you might decide to finally start the process of prioritizing your needs.


And then you take that first step and then bam! Guilt kicks in.


And oh man, then you’re really in for it.


You start thinking, “I must have done something bad because I feel guilty“…


And then that guilt could turn into self-judgement, where you may then think to yourself….”I must be bad since I’ve done this bad thing”.


Which then sends us into full-on shame spiral.


And that shame sends us right back into our old, programmed lanes of self-sacrifice and self-abandonment. Right back into our comfort zone.


We’ve learned to let our guilt and shame mechanisms override the need to look out for ourselves first and foremost. And this can be a major saboteur of self-love.


Unfortunately, I see so many women fall into this trap.


Studies show that women tend to turn our guilt or shame into anger at ourselves.


And far too often, this becomes what the experts refer to as “anxious-aggressive” guilt. Research shows that we are conditioned to care for others in a way that sacrifices our own well-being.


No wonder why despite modern changes in the roles women have taken at work, in our families and in society, our feelings haven’t evolved at the same pace.


And researchers say it could take centuries for us to catch up at the current rate.


So, going forward, I hope you will keep in mind that guilt and shame can both be saboteurs of self-love.


We have to be careful not to let either stop us from prioritizing our well-being.


Just remember, when we love ourselves more, we have more to give to everyone else.





Did you know that your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have? Your relationship with yourself outwardly affects all other relationships in your life.  Sign up for personalized Love Notes (like this one) delivered weekly, to help you on your path to loving yourself MORE.

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About Jenna

About Jenna

Jenna Banks is a best-selling author of “I Love Me More: How To Find Happiness & Success Through Self-Love”. She’s also a public speaker and host of The Jenna Banks Show whose work has been featured in media outlets that include Forbes, ABC, NBC and Authority Magazine.

Against all odds, she was able to pivot from the self-loathing survivor of a traumatic childhood and a nearly fatal suicide attempt, to someone who knows her worth and refuses to settle for less than she deserves. She now helps others discover the self-love they are worthy of.

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