Hi Friend,

 

I was wondering…have you ever experienced situations where you’ve tried to be assertive or set boundaries, and it just didn’t land right? 

 

So instead of leaving feeling good about having taken a stand, you felt frustrated?

 

Or perhaps you really want to start communicating your needs…for the very first time, but just don’t know how? Or maybe you’re scared of what may happen if you do?

 

If so, I totally get it. Yep, been there myself! 🙋‍♀️

 

What really turned things around for me was realizing I needed a game plan. Not just winging it, but having a solid strategy for those tough talks.

 

Without it, you’re kind of just throwing your words out there and hoping they stick, which… let’s be honest, doesn’t always work out.

 

And without a well-thought-out game plan, it’s far too easy to let our emotions take control. To the other party, this can come off as us being aggressive, angry or perhaps even as us attacking them – for NO REASON.

 

This can be a recipe for potential disaster! The other party may pull away, or worse, you may jeopardize the relationship altogether.

 

So, I wanted to share this easy 3-step framework with you that I’ve personally found SUPER helpful. I use it every time (with relationships I want to preserve). It’s like my go-to recipe for tough convos:

 

1. Start by sharing your feelings – Start by saying how you feel, but in a heart-felt, vulnerable way. Example, “I really appreciate our friendship, or our relationship. But when you do [insert issue here], it makes me feel [this].” It’s all about laying out your feelings without making the other person feel attacked. 

 

2. Share why it matters – Then, get into why this whole thing is important to you. For example, “I value our friendship or relationship a lot because [insert heartfelt reason here].” This part’s crucial because it shows you’re not just complaining; you’re coming from a place of caring

 

3. End on a hopeful note – Finish by spelling out what you’re hoping for. “I’m really hoping we can find a new way to handle [insert issue you’re having here]. Perhaps share an example of how you would prefer the scenario be handled next time. You may wish to also invite any ideas they may have for how they might be able to approach a similar situation differently next time.

 

This approach opens the door for a real heart-to-heart, based on mutual respect and understanding, rather than leaving you feeling like you’ve created a negative situation, or that you’re walking on eggshells.

 

Being assertive, or setting boundaries, isn’t about drawing lines in the sand; it’s about showing respect for yourself and the other person.

 

And yes, it might take a bit of practice to get it just right, but I totally believe in you and know you can do this!

 

Let’s not see it as just getting through a tough chat, but as building even stronger, more genuine connections. That’s what it’s done for me and I know you can experience this too.

 

You’ve so got this! I’ll be here cheering you on, as always. ❤️

 

Much love,

Jenna

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About Jenna

About Jenna

Jenna Banks is a best-selling author of “I Love Me More: How To Find Happiness & Success Through Self-Love”. She’s also a public speaker and host of The Jenna Banks Show whose work has been featured in media outlets that include Forbes, ABC, NBC and Authority Magazine.

Against all odds, she was able to pivot from the self-loathing survivor of a traumatic childhood and a nearly fatal suicide attempt, to someone who knows her worth and refuses to settle for less than she deserves. She now helps others discover the self-love they are worthy of.

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